Back at Home

We got back home to Texas late Monday evening. Tuesday was hard. It was our first day back in our home and I wanted so badly for Gracie to be here with us. I want to be exhausted from sleepless nights. I want to be worrying about when she'll take a nap and when she'll eat next. Ultimately, I just want Gracie. We miss her so much and it feels that a part of my heart is missing. Something about me just doesn't feel quite the same and I am pretty certain that it never will.

It is strange how life just keeps moving and your forced to move right along with it. As I looked at some pictures of Gracie the other night, I couldn't help but wonder if all of this has been a dream. Just two short weeks ago I was still pregnant with Gracie. So much has changed in these two weeks. Part of us wishes we could just stay frozen on the day of Gracie's funeral. We felt that her funeral was such a beautiful story of her life and of God's faithfulness to us. On that day, we got to remember and re-live our time with Gracie. We got to focus on her. Now that we are back at home we don't have that freedom. Sure, at night Benji and I get to talk about her as we laugh and cry. But, in the day to day buzz we get distracted. Distraction can be good but it also leads to fear. Will I forget all the little details that I cherished so much when I was with her? Will time take away the remembrance of her sweet smell? Will time slowly whittle away what I am so desperately trying to remember?

Please conintue to pray for us. This is when it gets hard........ when we're back at home living life. Pray for God's mercies to be new each morning, pray for the removal of fear, and pray for the healing of our hearts.